Perfect Match
by PK Smugleaf
Summary: A hater named Radon loses it when the mane 6 go vacationing near him. He takes out his rage on them, but how, and what happens? You discover. Rated T for cursing by Radon and *spoilers*. EDIT: Warning! You are about to read a "fail-tacular" attempt at grimdark! I learned my lesson about this stuff; it burns like chili!


_This story begins with a 14-year-old who has a nickname of Radon, as Radon was hyperactive, and that is when the sweets factor was zero. His hair color was black, his skin color was golden-brown, but he had an affinity for green clothing; his shirts were always "Luigi green" with a mint-colored Greek _pi _(π), and he wore black-and-neon green shorts and shoes. Two things you must know about Radon to get the plot rolling are his hatred of ponies and his hometown (It's not far from the beach.) of Oxygen Town. They were everywhere, which drove him insane. You could imagine how he would have felt if he had seen this second paragraph, which begins the story._

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"Hey! Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie was excitedly yelling. "Have you heard the rumors?" Rainbow Dash replied, "Rumors? What rumors? The one about the six of us and Spike getting a free vacation straight from Celestia?" Pinkie confirmed this and said, "Twilight found out that these rumors are true! It's a vacation to a place called Oxygen Town!" Then, Fluttershy happened to be passing by and noticed her friends talking about a rumor she'd been hearing about some place named after something reactive. "Hey guys. What's this about a rumor?" She asked. "It's amazing, Fluttershy! It's a vacation to Oxygen Town!" Fluttershy replied, "Hm. I have a cousin named Herbert who happens to live there; he told me everything you could know about it. I have one question. What is it?" Rainbow Dash broke out into laughter and then explained it. "It's a town known for its beaches, the wild and crazy as well as the quiet-as-sleep beaches. Think it'll add 20% more spice to our lives?" Pinkie started going crazy from the excitement, saying "I'll tell Rarity, Applejack, and Spike to pack their bags right away!" She left immediately. Fluttershy asked, "When are we leaving? And where do we stay while we're in Oxygen Town?" Rainbow Dash answered, "We leave at 2 AM tomorrow night, and we stay at a place with this address, which I can't stop laughing at… Here it is: 234 Rickroll Drive!" [Insert a cut to a montage full of preparations for the trip and the arrival at the address itself.]

Well, Radon lived at 23**5** Rickroll Drive. So you could imagine the "resentment," to quote your American history books, which he felt. And, it was understandable. The mane 6 and Spike proved to come close to rivaling Chuggaaconroy in average loudness. That helped to drive Radon crazy. He could not get them out of his head anywhere. He definitely wanted to drown them out somehow, but his options did not work out at all. He could not turn the TV's volume to 96 and his headphones actually broke and burst into flames! Then he tried to escape to the beach… where the ponies had been intending to visit, hence the whole point of their trip to Oxygen Town. Poor Radon lost it. He literally could not walk 100 meters without problems. Applejack even knocked him face-first into the water, which his rage could have evaporated. It may have been an accident, but poor Radon was cursing, "**What. The. Hell. You freaking assaulted me!**" Rarity tried to intervene. "Sir, why are you cursing at my friend? That's most obnoxious of you!" Radon yelled, "She kicked a tree that was a whole 30 centimeters from my face into my damn face! I am so freaking mad with her!" Applejack said, "I didn't know you was there. What does I do to make it up?" Radon said, "**Nothing! **I will file charges of battery against you!" This got a nice chuckle from Applejack and Rarity, enraging Radon to the brink of **literal insanity.** Then, Radon found a way to use his rage: humiliating the two and their friends at something to they could not possibly win: Volleyball, anyone?

This plan did not go as expected for Radon at all. He tried to give himself too big of a handicap by asking to face **all the mane six and Spike, with zero help for himself, not even God **(atheist). He let Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Fluttershy fly, too, also hurting his chances… and his privates. Even Fluttershy, who you'd expect to not have much strength for this, managed to smaaaaaaaaaash that ball into the ones Radon had. Four times. And in Asia, sometimes 4 isn't lucky. Imagine how much hell Rainbow Dash and Applejack gave Radon by using brute strength and (for Dash) flying. Radon called it quits for that game before he could get any bleeding. Twilight asked, "So… Human… Sir, what is your name?" Radon told Twilight his nickname. Twilight said, "I apologize for how bad you feel in places but could you please—" Radon gave her a big no, flipped her the bird, and angrily marched off.

Radon, humiliated at the loss, went home to take what was supposed to be a relaxing shower. The night was not any more comfortable than the day. The shower had run out of warm water, and his sisters were off at camp. Yup, he blamed the ponies. He went directly across the street and knocked on the door as fast as Rainbow Tylenol. Spike answered, "Aren't you the guy who got mad at us at the beach today, only to let us humiliate you?" Radon said, "I don't give a damn, are you why all the shower water is cold?" Then, he got tortured by the sight of Rarity in a bathrobe. It was with censorship, but Radon did not care. Rarity sighed, "Radon, what would you be happening to be doing?" His response was, "Right now, wondering how hot your goddamned shower was." Rarity said, "Like a sauna."

Radon groaned and went home, not to take a shower, but simply to wipe himself down. He had no cares for dinner by now, so he just tried to get a nap. Then he heard odd sounds from 234 Rickroll Drive. They were the sound of a game they had now made him dislike. It was Just Dance 4, and the music there was very audible if Radon were to open his window. So he went there to complain again… And Pinkie and Dash trolled him by forcing him to dance (as Jazzy) under these conditions. The worst moments were losing all the Dance VS due to stress, especially Tribal Dance VS Rock Lobster and Moves Like Jagger VS Never Gonna Give You Up.

That was it for Radon. He hated ponies 90 times as much as he used to. To top it all off, the stress had caused him to earn his first D on a test **worth 20% of his math grade.** He went from wanting to figuratively killing at least one to **literal**. He very quickly came up with a plan. The target, he chose, would be Fluttershy. After all, she hit his crotch with a volleyball! He would kidnap her in the night, de-wing her to an extent, and trap her in an abandoned factory, which is one of the many that helped Oxygen Town get its name. It manufactured flammable products, and had an arena-like room that had an area of an 1/8 of a square kilometer, with a floor coated in all sorts of rejects—flammable rejects. Near the top of this room, is sort of like what you could see down to the first floor from the second floor of a shopping mall. From there in this arena-like room, he'd light a match or two—and toss both of them down on to the flammable floor, and escape while Fluttershy was pretty much burned to death so hard, it would not be blood that would horrify anyone (hopefully, anypony) who saw the corpse—rather, the burns (Isn't that so, Captain Obvious?). Now, it was plan assembling time!

He managed to color himself all completely shadow black, he had got a frying pan and duct-tape, and he had found a wagon to make getting Fluttershy to this abandoned factory easier (think about why horses in real life can carry an adult human's weight easily). Not seeking to waste time, Radon quickly sneaked to 234 Rickroll Drive in the night, creeped up on Fluttershy while she was asleep and began taping her wings to her body. That was finished in under 2 minutes. Then came tying back her limbs. Radon managed to tape Fluttershy's front limbs back, but woke her up before he could do anything else. Immediately, Radon taped her mouth shut, so all she could yell was, "MMFFFFFFF! MMMMM-MMMMMFFFFFF!" Radon quickly jumped out the window with Fluttershy, tied her legs while walking to the wagon, and quickly ran a kilometer to the abandoned factory.

Upon Radon's arrival he quickly dropped Fluttershy into the floor with flammable rejects: Hand sanitizer, rubbing alcohol, and firewood, oh my! But, since Fluttershy was not really that loud, even without the duct-tape, he removed that tape on her face... very painfully quick. Fluttershy started yelling at Radon. "You! You're that Radon guy who complained three times about us! What is this supposed to be, because I don't even!" Radon said, "Let me explain. You've driven me to insanity, so I've got to put you down. Where? Here! This is one of the abandoned factories that gave Oxygen Town its name! It made flammable products, which you happen to be wading in right now! When I light a match or two... It'll be into the pit you're in. CD-i reference not intended. There, you'll be burned to hell and I will finally be free of the damnation you've caused me!" This led to Fluttershy crying, but that would not stop Radon at all. Radon pulled two matches and lit them. He counted down. "Five, four, three, two, one..."

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_What happened from there? Did anything happen from there? Is this a reference to _The Lady, or the Tiger?_ (OK, that third one, yes.) What does Radon do next? What does Fluttershy do? Are there more twists than this one? That is for the reader to discover. What exactly did happen when Radon drop the matches, or did he? You decide! (If it were my choice, he gets away with his plan, but commits suicide two years later out of extreme regret.)_


End file.
